Skin Deep
Sometime before my grandma died, my emotions -actually the depth of my emotions took a vacation. For awhile I attributed it to a sub-conscious trigger for sanity preservation. Dealing with Rick’s death, battling the police dept, my grandpa’s near fatal heart failure, and half a dozen other mind bending events… then my grandmother fell ill. Sub-conscious sees the blazing red “overload warning” light and shut me down before I spontaneously combusted.
At the time I was just grateful to not feel anything. And when I’m on more stable ground, the sub-c will flip me back on.
It’s been quite awhile and I’ve experienced - no, not experienced - navigated a few highs and lows, didn’t feel much of anything either way. OK I thought - being aware my reset button hasn’t been reset will kick the sub-conscious into re-setting. Wrong again.
I don’t really miss feeling the depth of emotions. But- it’s probably not conducive to good overall health, and more importantly I don’t want it to have a negative effect on Hannah, my family, ….
even sought a “professional opinion/diagnosis” and it isn’t depression.
joy joy - another bland post by yours truly -but at least now you know why. :s
ya know, it’s one thing if my emotions wanna take a leave of absense, but I hope for all our sakes, they send my muse home ASAP.
You have that special touch when writing.
thank you.
(especially considering it feels like my muse is on permanent hiatus).