ok…well - …hmmm
I was link surfing and came across a post that prompted me to leave a comment. The post was on a very popular site that has a large readership. The writer had debated writing about the recent death of her grandfather…
“…Speaking of memoir…I normally really follow the biggest rule of memoir writing on here, and that is to never write about shit you’re going through right in the middle of the going through it. This is because you run the risk of sounding like a crazy person for one and secondly because to tell a truly good story and to make your life into a story and not just a ranting diary entry, you need some time to reflect and get a sense of distance from the events. You have to think about what happened after the whole thing is over and then you’ll gain insight and depth about the situation….”
I left the following comment:
“I was 33 yrs old with a new baby when my husband was killed in a car wreck. 6 days after his death I started writing. It became my therapy - a place to leave the stuff that got too heavy to carry. Saved my life and my sanity - probably more so than I even realize.
It makes me sad that someone has advised you (and others) that a first rule of memoir writing is “don’t write about what you’re going through while you’re going through it”. The emotional journey - happiness, grief, anger - is as important as the resulting wisdom and understanding. It connects your readers, makes you and your life real and palpable.”
This is the reply to my comment:
“Cat, I’m so sorry for what happened to you and I’m glad writing helped you. Writing definitely helps me all the time. I write all sorts of things that no one ever sees and writing is one of the greatest therapeutic tools that there is. However, there are a lot of different kinds of writing and I think the distinction I didn’t make here was between professional, public writing or writing that one intends to publish and writing for one’s private self, such as in a diary. I guess a blog is a diary, but mine isn’t exactly to me because it is public and one of the many things I use it for is to generate material that can eventually evolve into more serious work. Not that a diary can’t be serious work too.
So they teach us when creating writing that is intended as art and for public reading to make sure we have some distance on the events so that we have some perspective and so that we can see more of the whole story. No one ever told me not to write when I’m going through something, just not to write oh dammit. It’s hard to explain. I feel like I’m talking in circles and I don’t want to offend your writing at all, so before I accidentally say something idiotic I’ll just stop.
And you know what? Someone could just as easily argue that Joan Didion wrote her latest memoir right smack in the middle of her grief and no one was telling her she didn’t have the distance.
I think the rules are just general words of advice most of the time.”
hmmm….
I’m not offended or insulted. But there’s something about it …an assumption or undertone -I can’t quite put a descriptive finger on it, but it bugs me - just a little bit.
